By Bart Mancuso
The Submarine Junior Officer comes in many shapes, sizes, and archetypes. From the young, naive, NUB 1170 getting their first lookup to the crusty shore tour 1120 trying to skate their way through their last days in the Navy, there is a pecking order to a Submarine Officer’s quality. Which JO are you? Let us know in the comments below.
Young, Enterprising JO
This bright eyed Junior Officer is the rockstar of their wardroom. They’re newly pinned (or 20% ahead in their Fish card and the SWO’s personal pet project). Need a Heavy Weather Standup plan for the homeport BSP to pick up the TRE team? This JO is your go to sailor. They’ve just been pulled up to the big leagues of the SDO watch bill, and are using their newfound free time from perma-three section EDO hell to route an update to the ASUW standing plan. Please be kind to this JO, who has yet to realize his unfettered optimism and can-do attitude will not go unnoticed by the XO and cause all white space on their schedule to soon disappear.
Salty ole’ KOJO
They’ve seen it all. Their pen is hot. Two-thirds of the signatures on every EOOW qual card have been signed by this JO. They use their powers for good, restoring fairness to the in-port duty watch bill (while somehow sliding it by the chain of command that they haven’t stood a weekend duty day in three months). Need a standby to cover you during the day so you can go get a BS prac-fac in a trainer at SLF? This JO is the JO for you. You have an audit and surveillance review with the CO at 1400, but got tasked with routing a critical CASREP at the Night Work meeting? This JO will go from drafting it in MFOM to blue ink in record-breaking time for you.
Burnt Out Prototype Shift ENG JO
“I joined the Submarine Force because I think Submarines are cool” this JO said when they were a green ENS at power school. They were force extended by the XO to a 42 month tour to go on a second deployment because “there was no way we could make the watch bill work,” only for the XO to admit on the transit across the Atlantic “Yeah, I guess we probably could have let you go at your scheduled PRD.” After spending every port call on deployment enviously checking the Instagram posts of their power school classmates on their shore tours, they were given the red-kiss of death by PERS 42 to head to MTS 701. While staying up for 42 hours chain smoking cigarettes home alone during a Swings to Mids transition on year two of shift work, they convinced themselves to just sign a contract. “Maybe I can make a difference in the lives of the next generation of JOs, I won’t be like my trash Department Heads” they lie to themselves. They’re doing God’s work though. Please thank your Shift ENG shore tour JOs at any opportunity.
High Strung, 43% DINQ, NUB JO
It’s been four weeks, three critiques, two SUBS (INITIAL), and six FIDE drill sets since this JO has gotten a checkout on anything forward of the water tight door. “Why can’t we just be like the Royal Navy and have Engineering only officers?” this JO mumbles to themselves looking at the insurmountable blaring red percentages on their NOSIS homepage. They fight the urge to light up a cigarette and pour themselves a glass of bilge wine while they sit through the NAM citation of the JO who arrived 3 weeks after them and qualified Fish in 7 months while only having “Sonar Officer” as a primary duty. Maybe one day they will get their Fish. If you see this JO on your sea tour, consider blazing a checkout for them to keep the XO off of their back.
2022 Olympic Gold Medalist Skater senior JO
“Where’s the AWEPS?” the DH asks the wardroom, who knows full well that this JO went to their rack one hour into their offgoing. Knowing that it is easier to just take the pending tasking than face the ire of racking out this JO who can still technically give them checkouts, the junior JOs in the watch team plead ignorance. They’ll throw you a bone if you need it, but you know full well it’ll come with a cost: “Yeah, but you’ll have to take my weekend duty day.” It’s hard to sit through their end-of-tour NAM citation, knowing that it’s full of fiction (save the fact that they did in fact spend 36 months onboard a submarine). If this JO offloads a collateral duty to you, you should be fully prepared that there is a landmine buried in a program binder that will ultimately send you to a critique 5 months after they leave for their shore tour.
Newly Reported NUB JO
Freshly onboard and chock full of cringe statements, this JO has no idea what the hell is going on. They are likely to rack up a laughably high mess bill, not realizing that they do not have to legally stay onboard in port until 1800 like their department heads. As a senior JO, it is your duty to ensure that this JO does not spend more than 30 minutes on the critique write up for MMN3’s third tagout violation in as many months. With proper sea-parent mentorship, this JO has the potential to end up as a Young Enterprising JO, but if the Skater Senior JO is in charge of this NUB, they will quickly find themselves jaded and 43% DINQ.
Scumbag Shore Tour JO
Six months from turning in their resignation, this JO can not find a single fuck to give about their duties and responsibilities. If you ever wonder how a high end war fighting tech manual has a figure that looks like a 7th grader made it in Microsoft Paint, point the finger at this JO. It was most likely a Liberty Dependent Item that they made on a Friday at 1300 after blowing it off for two weeks. This JO is likely to scheme their way into Skillbridge, a program that is really meant for junior sailors transitioning out of the navy, vice a college graduate with limitless potential in the civilian world. In a previous life, they may have been a high performing 1120, but they now spend their two-hour lunch breaks in their car swiping on Tinder.
The Rider
Nobody is quite sure what they do around here. They’re here from a PCU, or a shipyard boat, or maybe they’re an EDO who needs to work on “qualifications.” This truly is a wild card class of JO, however. They could be a rockstar watchstander filling a crucial role in the watch team for deployment and contribute positively to the morale and camaraderie of the crew. Or, they could be completely useless with no primary duties (or worse, be the EA) and stay DINQ while achieving a 100% attendance rate at wardroom movie nights and averaging 8.7 hours per night in the rack. Like a slice of pizza on FCPOA Pizza night, you never know what you’re going to get.
Know someone who was one (all) of these JOs? Be sure to share this post.
Bart has been all of these JOs. Well, except the ones on shore tour since he was force extended twice. But, he’s mostly been the High Strung, 43% DINQ, NUB JO.
Which JO are you? Let us know in the comments below.
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